Hello

If you’ve found this site, it means you’re down on your luck and need help.

You poor bastard.

I’m Duke Wulfenschlitz, the city’s best private investigator. Well, the best for your kind, anyway. Whether you’re coming to me because you’re nearly out of money and time and bourbon, or because your problem is too sordid for a ritzy detective, you’re in the right place.

It’s none of your damn business that I’m a werewolf. I’m not ashamed of it; it’s just none of your damn business what I do when the moon’s full, is it? My life may be an open book, but that doesn’t mean I have to read it to you.

You have your secrets, I have mine.

Used to be a private dick could make a go of it with just his weapon, a bottle, and his wits, but those days are long past. Now you need a web site, too. Probably twitter and facebook and whatever the hell else. Don’t do all those things and you’re a loser, as useless as last week’s newspaper.

No one ever said Duke Wulfenschlitz was a loser. At least, they didn’t live long after they said it. So here I am, web site and all. Ready to share my stories and sell you my services.

NO MISSING PERSONS CASES. They’re just a pain in the ass.

Pull up a chair, pour yourself a drink, and start reading.

And when you need me? You know who to call.